i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
