So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize