Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
