Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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