Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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