I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
