the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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