dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
