oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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