I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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