Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
