2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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