Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
