if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dicks are not precious.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
