let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
