he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
