you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
