Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
FUCK WHALES
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
