Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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