i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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