And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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