Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
