We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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