Banned from zoo.
Again?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
