Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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