Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
