She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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