It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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