guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
