sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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