I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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