I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
