he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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