Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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