finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
