Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
