I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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