Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
