UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
