so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
