Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
