Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
