Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
