She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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