Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
