i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
