I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
