I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
