He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
