I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
