My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
