take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize