he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
