grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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