U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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