CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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