I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
