he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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