he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
