why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
