now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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