Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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