You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
