When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
