went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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