I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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