I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.