I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
