dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I need a burrito and a hug.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
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I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.