Texts From Last Night

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  (347): View more from New York

  Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.

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  (347): Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service. http://tfl.nu/eqpl
  Replies (117) Good night (4630) Bad night (1672)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.

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  (281): I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy. http://tfl.nu/ogyk
  Replies (15) Good night (2862) Bad night (760)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!

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  (770): A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES! http://tfl.nu/kktf
  Replies (21) Good night (4584) Bad night (1031)
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  (415): View more from California

  I have another pimple on my ass cheek.

  (420): View more from

  I'll be there in 10 minutes.

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  (415): I have another pimple on my ass cheek. (420): I'll be there in 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/3vda
  Replies (25) Good night (1214) Bad night (8108)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  yeah thats usually a good indication.

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  (317): i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face.. (1-317): yeah thats usually a good indication. http://tfl.nu/79nx
  Replies (6) Good night (5409) Bad night (1235)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.

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  (860): Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover. http://tfl.nu/pf8w
  Replies (5) Good night (3357) Bad night (1089)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?

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  (847): Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night? http://tfl.nu/owky
  Replies (3) Good night (3870) Bad night (987)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."

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  (719): He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it." http://tfl.nu/ssx2
  Replies (10) Good night (2097) Bad night (768)
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  (631): View more from New York

  He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?

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  (631): He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he? http://tfl.nu/banx
  Replies (11) Good night (1820) Bad night (1028)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ

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  (902): how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ http://tfl.nu/dj5w
  Replies (5) Good night (1317) Bad night (562)
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  (351): View more from Massachusetts

  I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.

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  (351): I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh. http://tfl.nu/v1ee
  Replies (1) Good night (1058) Bad night (522)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.

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  (701): in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head. http://tfl.nu/rwbn
  Replies (11) Good night (2810) Bad night (635)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.

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  (517): I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish. http://tfl.nu/ztbe
  Replies (2) Good night (940) Bad night (481)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.

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  (435): Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus. http://tfl.nu/v0t7
  Replies (6) Good night (622) Bad night (476)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver

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  (937): I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver http://tfl.nu/cacf
  Replies (2) Good night (242) Bad night (317)

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