Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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