I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I will pee on everything he values.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
