Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
