he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
