Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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