If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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