There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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