I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
