then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
