the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
