how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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