She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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