just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
