my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
