the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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