i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
