I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
